Songs Doug Ford Doesn't Want to Hear

Telling the premier and other politicos 'Up Yours' through music

I just can’t anymore with Nazi-hugging, important services-cutting, alcohol-obsessed jackoffs. Specifically Ontario Premier Doug Ford; I’ve metaphorically told Donald Trump and his mindless minions to go to hell long, long ago. What can’t you spell ‘conservative’ with? That’s right, CON, which is precisely what this new breed of stuffed shirts are. Besides wondering aloud for the past year how anyone with half a brain or a sense of decency could vote for this chocolate milk-drinking dolt, what really grinds my gears is how Ford has a propagandistic outlet to skirt actual questions and make it seem like he’s doing a great job, even when his team is picking fights with Keifer Sutherland of all people. Seriously, WTF?

Before I digress too much as this is a music newsletter, I want to give Ford a piece of my mind the best way I know how – through co-opting others’ material. It was thought that protest anthems would have been given a whole new life with you-know-who down south. This hasn’t really been the case except for a few notable exceptions as you’ll see below – and hopefully play if you haven’t clicked the Spotify link up top already. Maybe while Team Ford takes the next five months off until the Canada-wide election, some enterprising Ontario artists will come up with something less crappy and more critical than “For the People”.

Tenacious D – The Government Totally Sucks
Probably should have warned that a lot of these choices contain coarse language. Like Howard Beale in Network, I’m as mad as hell and not going to take it anymore. The Greatest Band on Earth undoubtedly stands by their statement from The Pick of Destiny.

The Lowest of the Low – Salesmen, Cheats and Liars
For all the blowhard-ness about how governments should be run like businesses, Doug Ford is a two-bit shyster. Good thing he inherited Daddy’s labels and tags company when the federal conservatives wanted scare stickers made to oppose Trudeau’s carbon tax.

Photo courtesy of Toronto Star

The Northern Pikes – Things I Do for Money
I try to keep these song explanations tweet-length, so I’d have to start a whole new newsletter to list all the despicable acts DoFo has “done for money” so far in office. Fortunately, 12:36 wraps up important #ONpoli news daily like a piping hot burrito.

King Apparatus – Death Car on the Freeway
Subscriber @IsGlobalAGoGo helped with some of these selections, including this CanCon ska nugget. Living in Qatar(!) doesn’t stop her from keeping an eye on what’s going on in her homeland, and calling BS when warranted. Thanks for your vigilance, Nikki!

D.O.A. – Fucked Up Donald
A hardcore redux courtesy of the Vancouver punk legends, whose original version was targeted towards Ronald Reagan. That changed to Canadian PM Stephen Harper when D.O.A. played live in the 2000s, and now President Trump bears the brunt of their vitriol.

Pearl Jam – Can’t Deny Me
Remember when Eddie Vedder pissed people off with his Bu$hleaguer mask? Hopefully he’s getting a Trump one made up while we wait patiently for a new Pearl Jam album; the band’s gun violence stance presumably doesn’t sit well with card-carrying NRA members.

Neil Young and Crazy Horse – Born in Ontario
The feeling of helplessness and despair in the face of a regime like Ford’s can be depressing frankly. What say we hear from someone who knows a thing or two about demonstrating artistically and isn’t looking to sell his home province down the river, huh?

The Modern Lovers – Government Center
I have forever been a proponent of using humour to get subtle, FU-type messages to the powers that be. Not many songwriters are as pure, cool and have drier wit than punk precursor Jonathan Richman. Get back to putting stamps on the letters there, Dougie!

Headstones – Fuck You
There’s also the more direct approach as taken recently by Canuck rockers Headstones. I just saw them play a festival on a waterfront, where they got the crowd to give “elites” in a boat the finger while serenading them on land with non-deleted expletives.

Hugh Dillon of Headstones, Audience Motivator

Prophets of Rage – Prophets of Rage

The politically-motivated supergroup comprised of members from Rage Against the Machine, Public Enemy and Cypress Hill can’t exactly call themselves world-beaters considering they clearly didn’t inspire enough voters. Wherefore art thou, Zack de la Rocha?

The Clash – I’m So Bored with the USA
No matter which corrupt administration is getting you down (Brexit, Ontario, the US or wherever), it’s times like these when we all need to heed the call to action words of Joe Strummer. As a public service, please do your part to crank The Clash more.

Arcade Fire feat. Mavis Staples – I Give You Power
This had the potential to be a game changer for the perpetually woke Arcade Fire. Mavis Staples guesting, are you kidding me? I felt it got lost in the ensuing promotional cycle for Everything Now and now, well, y'know, they’ve gone Disney with Dumbo.

Franz Ferdinand – Demagogue
Doug Ford is Mini Me to Drumpf’s Dr. Evil. So while there’s no mistaking who the surprisingly boogie-licious Demagogue is directed at (you’ll know which lyrics), its overall intention can be easily transferred to the “For the People”-claiming fat bastard.

Shinehead – Gimme No Crack
I can’t believe this song didn’t have more of a rebirth when the Gawker story first broke in 2013…which had Doug’s name on it too, remember. Not to mention God-rest-his-soul Robbie’s infamously racist Jamaican ramblings caught on video from a Steak Queen.